2 a.m. RAMBLING LIFE RECAP

 I've been overflowing with words recently, writing by compulsion. Unfortunately, most of my words are scattered over social media groups and timelines. For everyone, the last three months have been a roller coaster. For me, the political situation has been enthralling and horrifying, and I've lost sleep over that. But my personal life has been pretty good.

Yes, there's the social isolation. I'm now almost convinced that I'm on the autism spectrum. Looking back on my boyhood with the communication problems, my extreme social anxiety, how I could feel a barrier between me an other children, how a crowded schoolyard just made me feel lonely, my inattention to grooming and hygiene, my lack of self-control, how being observed caused extreme anxiety, how I couldn't understand sarcasm until I was in my 20s, I can go on with the list. My ADHD symptoms pretty ruined me academically. 

As I tried to socialize. I was hapless at best. I even pushed myself to socialize when I was also depressed. Those were always disasters.

My parents had some terrible luck. Their first child was borderline autistic, their second child had Angelman Syndrome, which is far, far worse. Of course, that was where their efforts and time had to go. However, they did punish me for things they couldn't know I had no control over. And many times I couldn't communicate and tell them what was going wrong.

So, I write fiction now. It gives me a social outlet, and its therapeutic. When my life collapsed eleven years ago, writing gave me something to look forward to, gave an outlet to excessive, irrational emotions.

I'm exactly where I want to be, doing what I always should've done.