Whiteout, Infinite Blank Pages

Physically, I'm okay, otherwise I feel awful. My cat is doing her best by sitting on my desk an licking my arm. I can see her looking at me with eyes that say, "Why aren't you playing with me?" Or she imitates me and stares off into space until I pet her. I don't feel in the mood to do anything. Writing I do because it's my job-- though I have to say I do get into the story right now. There's a fight scene in next installment that's a terrific amount of fun to visualize. But not necessarily to write.

The draft is close to being done. I think I have a mathematically credible estimate that I have between seventy and eighty pages left. That's based on what I had left at this point on the previous draft of the story, and how much I'm likely to cut, or add. That's ten or eleven weeks left to write, faster if I pick up the pace.

I'm wondering what's wrong because I have absolutely no motivation to do anything else right now. I don't anticipate any joy in anything else, and every thought I have seems to be followed by a negation. That's a warning of a depression. With every challenge, my immediate reflex thought is I can't do it.

I did finish the Carrie fan fiction last week. It got two reviews within the first few days and none since. That's not what I thought would happen when I finished. I write my blogs and I get maybe a dozen hits, if that. It's seems I'm writing for myself though that's not my intended readership.

Maybe I should just take a break from writing the novel? A week? I hate to do it at this point, so close to completion of the draft. I think my writers' group would feel down about it. I'd like to think I'm a workhorse who will keep going until the end, but maybe I need a break. I write because I too easily go insane if I don't write. Maybe I can write on other fiction ideas during that time if the motivation hits me. Though it looks like I might believe making a living writing is a secondary priority, it's actually that living is my chief concern. "Making a living" is definitely a part of that. I'm on disability, but writing is my profession, and this novel is my education. I'll take what I learn with it to other project.

I'm just shocked me how long it's taking. On the bright side, I have quite an imagination, a muse that never stops.