The toxic circle

Besides the fact that we're probably going to end the world with Global Warming, there are few common everyday things that cause me anxiety.

First, I hate having my picture taken. I go through cycles with this, but I hate being photographed and I've never seen a picture of myself that I've liked. I have a picture of myself with a movie star, and I won't post it because my being in it ruins it.

This is part of a larger complex. In grade and high school, I often got through the day pretending I was invisible.

I've never liked my name. A major reason why nobody knows whether to call me Charles, Charlie or Chuck. I've tried them all. None of them stick.

A real problem I had in finding a job was I couldn't stand to write a resume, and I couldn't stand to be interviewed. That drastically limited my job possibilities. Even now, when I'm asked for an author's bio (that hasn't happened very often yet) my mind freezes.

I'm not writing this because I'm depressed. I'm not depressed right now. I'm writing this because it gives some idea of the negative self-esteem, and how it hasn't really changed with therapy or medications.