I'm an anxiety-ridden person. Crowds and family events are stressful for me. Crowds, because they're noisy. Family because I don't know why. Unless it's partially because I'm seeing a cousin for the first time in a year or two and I can't remember their names. Then I spend the entire night, hoping that I'll remember if "tested" again.
One wouldn't think a medication would help with that, by way of either placebo or pharma. The tension, not the memory, that is. My psychiatrist signed for an antidepressant for sleep difficulties. Amazingly, I didn't feel any anxiety last night. Yes, there were a few awkward moments when I called somebody by the wrong name (always worse than merely forgetting). I didn't mind them. My brother yelling didn't even rattle me. Now, I can recall everybody's name today. Though last night, I wondered if the new meds didn't make my memory for names worse. What I need is a family album.
Trouble sleeping was the main recent problem. Usually, I trust sleep to take me out of depression. It stops the spiral, almost as though sleep resets it. This is, worthless however, if I can't sleep. Then melancholy thoughts continue to cascade, making me more unable to drift off, which then gives me more time to stress about things, and that in turn reduces my chance of sleeping even further.
It got so bad that last week, I called my psychiatrist and told him I was going to have to go into the hospital if the trend continued. He prescribed a sleep inducing anti-depressant, the best of both worlds. It's been a miracle. I got more writing done in the last two days than I got done in the three weeks prior.
I'm going to hit my deadline. In other good news, I'm probably going to be able to take on some paid gigs in the meantime. I don't know for sure yet. That's what I would like to do.
No comments:
Post a Comment