Gamophobia? No, it's not fear of games.

I have a nephew's wedding to attend later today. I hate crowds to begin with. I feel an intermittent anxiety in them. Any explanation I give is just a guess on why my unconscious mind pushes me toward anxiety. Everybody's speaking, but my attention deficit kicks in and I can't understand any of them.Music's playing, so conversation becomes impossible. It's paradoxical: the sound of silence. So, ironically, crowds are actually isolating for me. 

Weddings are the worst. I felt stressed out by this all week, and I'm not even in the wedding party. Some of it has to be my own solitary lifestyle. But there's the stress of knowing my body-shape has changed again (I gained a lot of weight this year, also a response to stress), getting my sizes right without the grief, buying the right clothes, and wondering if I could afford them. Then arriving and feeling like I've accomplished nothing since the last time I saw my extended family, and the more I think if that, the more I think I should be home writing.

Yet, my nephew has one of the best life-turnaround stories ever. He had trouble recovering from a family tragedy, but he hadn't finished high school and his greatest ambition seemed to be video games. Then, one day his heart stopped. Cardiac fibrillation. Through a miracle he survived with his mind intact, and there's about a one-in-ten thousand chance that that happens. The very week before, he met his bride-to-be. She visited him in the hospital, after he came out of an induced coma. That was their first date, I think. From there, he turned his life around, got a job, now they have a home, and have a son. He considered his dropping dead for no reason to be a sign that maybe he should do more with his life. He has.

If I miss every other wedding in my life, this seems to be one I should attend.       

UPDATE 11/4/16: I'm glad I went. The ceremony took about 3:35 seconds. That was either very practical, or a practical joke. It saved people from having to stand out in the cold for a long time. The reception inside was all fun and the food was actually good, a departure from most weddings.  . The brides Japanese family rented out The Magic House for the night. It's a wealthy family. I'm not even sure The Magic House, which is a kids' amusement, even offers weddings or wedding receptions.

Both the musicians and DJ were Japanese. I'm not sure if they were part of the family, or if they were hired to make the trip stateside. Apparently in Japan short ceremonies and long, nice celebrations are the thing.